The combination of holidays, end-of-year reflections, and getting ready to birth our little girl has me reflecting on all the things that brought my husband and I to this amazing place.
Our relationship is incredibly strong. As a woman, I feel 100% supported by my man – physically, emotionally, and spirit-soulfully… His strength allows me to soften my more masculine attributes (except when I need to call upon them), and my softness allows his masculinity to shine. We call each other to table when we need to, help bolster each other when we are low, and celebrate our individual and mutual wins with wild enthusiasm. We dance with the feminine and masculine inside us both, tangoing back and forth to keep our compass attuned and our magnetism polarized.
Is every day perfect? No! Perfection doesn’t exist, nor would I want it to. Perfection is stasis, stagnation, attainment. I don’t want the answers. I don’t want finality. I want a partner with whom I can keep asking life’s big questions.
Just how balanced and complementary we are becomes more and more apparent as our daughter prepares to come earth-side. Never before in my life have I experienced the mirth, unconditional acceptance, sensuality, truthfulness, and childlike wonder that is possible within the sacred container of intimate relationship.
There are so many ways which we nurture our connection.
One of those ways, dear readers, is *gasp* SEX.
I know it might be odd for a SEX post to be written by someone who is 9+ months pregnant. After all…
In our culture, there is almost no population more sexually disempowered than mothers.
Even saying the word “mom” conjures up high-waisted elastic band bluejeans or premium strollers, lattes, and playground gossip – not the sexiest or most sensual of images. On the other end of the spectrum, we have the rare creature known as a “MILF”; a degrading, reductive portrayal of what it means to be a sexually confident, beautiful mother… The last thing I want to strive to be (or to teach my daughter to become) is mental fodder for some random dude’s solo session.
So, how do we–as strong, sensual, powerful, sexually-expressed women–find our way back home to ourselves in such a confusing cultural environment? How can us mamas keep a sexual partnership fun, engaging, and tantalizing amidst reality’s diaper changes, 24 hour flus, yoga pants, and fatigue?
It takes work.
I make intimacy with my Tiger my number 1 priority for a number of reasons. The pleasures of our partnership are the cement that holds this family together. We have a strong foundation and a very very loving, stable, safe-feeling environment at home because Tiger and I revisit our intimate bonds frequently, intentionally, and playfully.
Sex is our church.
Intimate truth, nakedness of all kinds, and fascinated exploration of each other are our holy trinity.
Though it might feel like TMI, I share about my sex life because not enough moms do. Too many women that I’ve spoken to have no idea who (and how) they are supposed to be once they’ve unleashed life from their vaginas. How to reconcile their wildness with caregiving?
I say that there’s no reconciliation necessary. Being wild, free, and sexually satisfied makes us better mothers. We are present, embodied, and well-fed. We *come* to our parenting roles with focus, presence, and a lack of resentfulness because we are well-fucked.
We forget that sex and parenting are inextricably linked: without one, the other doesn’t happen.
Tiger and I enjoy sex as frequently as possible; which fuels our unprecedented intimacy, passion, and mutual enjoyment. Maintaining sexual chemistry, allure, and FUN requires commitment and creativity! Let’s face it…
Going on autopilot is easy.
Killing the honeymoon is easy.
But, these are the LAST things that we want to happen in our relationship. So, we’ve created many ways to play between the sheets. Today, I’m sharing one with you.
We have a secret under our mattress =)
Our simple Sex-Me-Up-Tie-Me-Down setup costs next to nothing, and if you are willing to play a little with (light) bondage in the name of fun and role-playing, you’ll realllllly enjoy this one. From one woman to another, I highly recommend it.
This is just one of infinite playful possibilities… I encourage you, as a fellow complex woman with many roles, to commit to your own path of radical intimacy and authentic sexual expression. There is no one in your life who will not benefit from your bringing sacred play back into your bedroom.