When I birthed my son four+ years ago, the experience of bringing him into the world alchemically changed me. I envisioned how I wanted the birth to unfold and slithered heavingly into that reality. In that series of moments, I became a buffalo, a warrior, a goddess, a mother, a witch, an initiated woman… I was never the same.
My life began to change radically, and not just due to 3am feedings and endless streaming diaper changes. I didn’t lose myself in becoming a mother…
I came home.
My life changed because I experienced what my bodyBEing is CAPABLE of…
That I could become the embodiment of how I want life to feel…
That my soul and body are NOT split apart…
That there is no plane that’s higher than HERE: with my presence, in my breath, in my belly, in my skin. Right now.
When he came through me,
I stopped longing to escape myself.
Now, my Tiger and I prepare to welcome our daughter into this world.
THIS world… one which so often feels broken, shattered, lost, distracted and frightening. One which makes so many of our wild selves cringe and long for a safe, familiar prison.
Tuning out is far easier than tuning in.
And yet, my world is the one in which I CHOOSE to inhabit. My world is ripe, fecund, playful, tangled, messy, and flawed. Dark and fertile, light and expansive.
My world is padded with juicy thighs (getting juicier by the day), lusty sexual commitment, animalistic trust and instinct, vibrant expression, and COEURage to face my own daggers… my world is a PlayGround. My world IS a “core desired feeling.”
These two worlds are one and the same, and it was only when I birthed my own new eyes that I could see the second, hidden, delicious realm that lies out there/right here, in Rumi’s field beyond right and wrong.
This is the world in which I’m raising my children. This is the world I am sooooo ecstatic to welcome her into. Between my thighs, she will emerge from and into heaven on earth.
I wonder what the alchemy of this birth will bring.
I am sure my heart will once again be blown apart… only to grow into a million (or 8 billion) pulsing hearts from the shards. My heart will walk around on every pair of legs I see, including those in the mirror.